domenica 29 gennaio 2012

Genitori, quante aspettative. Ma i bimbi che ne pensano?

Questo post è un contributo dell'amica Sole con la quale si apre oggi lo spazio Mamme in bacheca, uno spazio di questo blog dedicato a chi ha qualcosa da dire...

Ieri ho visto il film di Robert De Niro "Stanno tutti bene". L'avete mai visto? Mi ha fatto molto riflettere su come noi genitori viviamo il rapporto con noi stessi e anche con la società. Ho riflettuto molto su come ci sentiamo spesso i migliori genitori che i nostri figli possano avere, spingendoli nella vita verso aspettative che sono solo nostre e limitando le loro. Mi ha fatto riflettere sul mio ruolo di genitore, sul rapporto con le mie bambine e su che cosa faccio per far sì che siano loro a scegliere la loro strada. Faccio qualche esempio: ricordo sempre quando Ricciolina ha iniziato la prima elementare, una fase importante per i bambini perché pur essendo bambini iniziano a responsabilizzarsi ancora di più. Ricciolina ha iniziato con tanta tranquillità questa fase, noi non l' abbiamo martellata dicendole "sai, andrai a scuola, adesso sei grande, devi studiare e mi devi portare voti che non vadano al di sotto del 9" o altre cose simili, semplicemente abbiamo atteso con tranquillità spiegandole che doveva stare tranquilla, che la scuola è un posto dove si cresce imparando tante cose. Infatti così è stato: Ricciolina ancora oggi si sveglia tranquilla, con la voglia di andare a scuola. Ha imparato ad autogestirsi con i suoi compiti. Quando torna a casa e mi dice che ha preso un voto io le rispondo sempre "bravissima amore" e le dico: "Ricordati che tutto quello che fai e ottieni lo fai semplicemente per te stessa, noi siamo felici se tu sei felice", mi fa tenerezza perchè mi risponde "mamma, io sono felice". Un altro esempio: Ricciolina non ama fare attività perché è timida e non le piace mettersi al centro dell'attenzione. Tanti mi dicono che i bambini guai se non fanno attività! Molti genitori obbligano i figli a fare cose che non vogliono, semplicemente perché hanno troppe aspettative che non corrispondono a quelle dei bambini. Non ho mai obbligato Ricciolina a fare qualcosa che non vuole perché penso che alla sua timidezza si aggiungerebbe insicurezza.  Ne parliamo, cerco di proporle qualcosa ma tutte le volte mi risponde che dove ci sono 'maestri' lei si vergogna. L'ascolto cercando di capire il suo mondo e il suo pensiero, accettadolo e rispettandolo. Quindi molto tranquillamente le rispondo che quando avrà voglia e si sentirà di fare qualcosa per far crescere bene il suo fisico basta che me lo dica e ne parleremo, decidendo insieme qualcosa per lei.
Consiglio a chi non lo avesse visto di vedere il film di cui ho parlato all'inizio di questo post, aiuta noi genitori a riflettere e a metterci in discussione!


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